Jun 22
It's been a while since
Weeping Cock actually had something worth reciting, but this week
they really came through. This is the kind of madness that this blog was created to capitalize on. The kind of madness that makes you stay up late at night wondering about the future of humanity. The kind of madness that leads me to hybridizing
Masterpiece Theatre and
South Park.
This is probably no kind of madness you should take part in, and yet you will. You will right now. You're probably doing so this very moment.
I'm incredibly glad to call you fans.
(Keep in mind, I generally do these bits as a single, continuous take. Once in a while I go back and tighten up a few pieces as a second pass, but the vast bulk of the time I'm actually giving it to you just like I recorded it. In certain places, you can hear my mind actually cracking as I do the piece.)
May 5
As promised, I managed to get my hands on something that fell through from an alternate universe -- a universe in which awesome is far more common than in our own. You can listen to the above with a big fat smile on your face, just like the one I had when I received it.
Seriously, I have a trans-dimensional radio receiver ... It comes stock with every single subterranean evil lair. It comes in handy on occasion, but most of the time it stuck listening to some strange reggae/Mexican mash-up. It's not all fun and games being an evil genius; mostly it's just fun.
(Thanks to The Onion for providing today's amusement.)
Jan 21
For the record, I take great pleasure in making nightmares come true. It's my highest calling. Damn you, Denshi No Ultra, you have caused this thing!
Dec 5
We clearly need to find someone to blame for this nightmare. My immediate feeling about who to throw into the lion's den is eelpot, since she is the one who made the Kindly Ones post that I decided to use as the basis for this Thy Cock Doth Weep. She can take all of the blame. I would not suggest, however, that you sexually abuse her using your third eye. That just seems weird.
This is a particularly long post, but I think the content will appeal to a certain segment of my readership. You get strange voices, bizarre sex, weird voices, more bizarre sex, and Richard Burton having necrophiliac fantasies -- that's the only way I can explain what happened during this recording.
Sorry Richard, have your people call my people and we'll straighten it all out.
I apologize to people who been looking forward to this coming on a regular basis; I have been incredible slacker. Apologies all around. Hopefully, this horrific construct of evil will make up for it in some degree.
Nov 22
Ranuel no baka! You're posting to Weeping Cock with a YuYu Hakusho fic involving an actual weeping cock? This is madness! Only the truly insane would ...
What, you read all 26 chapters of this thing? No, no, you just stay sitting right there wearing the "hug me" jacket all day and night, I'll ring the orderly around in just a moment.
It wasn't enough that I had to read yaoi for this one. No, it needed a little something extra, and I found it. Klezmer polka music! What, you don't hear Yiddish music in the back of your head when you read about one guy going down on another? I do! And now, you too can experience the horrific nightmare world that exists within the depths of my twisted mind.
Hmm, they might be fitting me for one of those jackets, too, Ranuel.
Nov 18
The funny thing is that I have at least one friend who is really, truly, madly, deeply in love with doing Doctor Who RP online, and when she finds out I've done this bit, she very well may drive down to my secret subterranean Lair and kill me dead with a sonic screwdriver. Or very fine replica of one.
Bravo, really. Bravo, indeed.
If you, reader / listener, have friends who would absolutely hate to hear this, who think the very idea of there being porn on the Internet is a hideous abomination, if they shudder at the idea of terrible torrid fanfic ... Make sure they get this link. Seriously. I live for their suffering.
Ah, the benefits of being a sadist. (Before you ask, I'm a Delgado man, though Sims runs a close second. Wait, you meant favourite Doctor? I don't watch Doctor Who for the fucking Doctor!)
Nov 17
There are only so many times you can do these things in a way that caters to maintaining your sanity. I blame chocolate_ari for pushing me over the line, well into the field of Absolute Madness.
The irony here is that I'm sure that some of you won't actually get
the character reference within. Kids today! Though if it makes you feel better, you can pretend that it's really
The Monarch reading Dr. Girlfriend's personal diary. And if anyone wants to dress up like Dr. Girlfriend for my amusement, I shall graciously allow it!
Note, if a plum is actually larger than your lover's penis, you probably ought to have better taste in lovers. However, if you're all about having "a small fist"(!) inside you while being diddled by your fiddler, well then ... I'll be sure to issue the poor lad a 2x4 and 50ft of rope.
Nov 17
Tonight's big winner? birdywrites, bringing us what is obviously a classic of neo-modernist Western literature.
Tonight's big loser? Me, apparently, given how many edits I had to make where I nearly lost it giggling like Renfield after a particularly crunchy cockroach. Kind of embarrassing, really. I seem to do a much better job when I put these together in the early afternoon right after I wake up than right before bed.
What? You're looking at me funny, is all.
Your guess is as good as mine why Eduardo is an Irish exchange student. I'm thinking it's probably just a vast cultural misunderstanding.
This bit gets the award for the best use of the word "parenthesizing." Seriously, that usage is fucking awesome, and I say that without reservation or hesitation. Plus the Latinate implication in the usage of the sword / scabbard construction and the Latin word for scabbard, vagina. Yes, Mr. Maltese, I see what you did there! Very erudite!
Enjoy what you've heard here so far? Leave comments, tell your friends, hit the ReTweet button down below ... Hell, tell the Penny Arcade guys. I'll bet Tycho would mock me to no end. Or offer me a job reading gay porn and voicing the Fruit Fucker, I can't decide.
Nov 15
Why? Why is it that Moire the Great had to post a second incest fic this weekend?
I mean, I couldn't get more hot Skeksis on Skeksis action? Hot hot penguin-on-otter cloaca sex? Nooooo, it's more 'cest. Sigh. It's like you good people want to destroy what little mind I have left. I will say this, though, at least this one doesn't require verbal gyrations to get around the ungrammatical nature.
Nov 15
I hesitated to actually record this one, not the least reason being that it took forever to finally decide what tags to attach to it. But, ultimately, I did it, if only to actually see what it sounded like to read aloud a terribly written and borderline ungrammatical rape scene.
The funny thing is that I actually tinkered with
auto-tuning this thing. Yes, auto-tune, favourite audio processing procedure of
T-Pain and a thousand electronica artists. Know what I found out? Auto-tuning spoken word pieces doesn't actually
do much; apparently, even if I auto-tune myself to F-sharp-minor, I sound exactly the same unless I slide across note boundaries. Which doesn't happen often.
Grrrrr. I have failed at creating an interesting effect. Unless I sing the next one!
Hmmmmm.
